i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
