piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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