I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
