he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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