I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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