i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize