it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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