I just saw a hot homeless man
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We have so much sex to catch up on
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
