loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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