Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
