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No, drunk sperm still make babies.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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