u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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