you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
