Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize