I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize