70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
