You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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