his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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