Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
