You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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