Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
