I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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