I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
