My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
