her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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