and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
