if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
