sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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