smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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