i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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