I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
