my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
She told me I should be a condom model.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
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