is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
