I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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