So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
