grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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