Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
