you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
