Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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