thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
