I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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