My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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