You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
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