im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
