dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
