I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
