You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
