Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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