Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
