Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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