"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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