i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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