I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
