Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
