I'm going to jail i love you
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
