Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
