My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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