I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We have started to decorate penises.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
