Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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