It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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