New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She needs sedatives and a leash
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
