if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
