help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
FUCK WHALES
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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