Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
