I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
