...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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