Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
